Travel to Work

Here is a 10 step guide to become an asshole I found here

1. Fake it ‘til you make it

Act confident, pushy and assertive, even if you’re not. Kihn hired an acting coach to help him lose his default ‘nice guy’ mannerisms. He learned to replace his smile with a thrust-out chin, a glare or a yawn.

2. Find asshole role models

Pay close attention to assholes at work, on TV or in the street and copy their behaviour. Kihn studied Tony ‘Scarface’ Montana’s body language and also drew inspiration from Donald Trump, a man in his building with a tattoo on his face and ‘people who attend NRA conventions’.

3. Hire a life coach

Fill your head with aggressive, asshole thoughts through ‘negative meditation’. Use visualisation techniques to imagine the new callous, powerful, asshole you.

4. Become the alpha dog

Learn dominant, intimidating behaviour by observing dogs and episodes of TV’s The Dog Whisperer.

5. Be a fighter, not a lover

Use pain, caffeine, energy drinks and a red meat only diet to hone your body into ‘a walking sphincter’  Take boxing lessons.

6. Show no interest in others

Be the centre of your own universe. Interrupt others when they speak. Always speak loudly – if it’s a phone call, put them on speakerphone.

7. Criticise in public, praise in private

Undermine others, particularly if it takes the heat off you. Use subtle mind games to manipulate others and keep them on-side. Total confusion will make victimisation easier.

8. Keep your eyes on the prize

Remain focused to the point where nothing else matters. Don’t waste time with people if they can’t help you on your way.

9. Never, ever admit a mistake

Lie if necessary, but always maintain an air of infallibility.

10. Leap before you look

Instead of whining and being introspective, take action. You can’t think your way into the right action; you have to act your way into the right thinking.

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