Beginner’s Guide to Women Speak aka Women Dictionary

Yes = No.

No = Yes.

Maybe = No.

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

We need = I want.

It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.

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