Yes = No.
No = Yes.
Maybe = No.
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.
We need = I want.
It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.
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