Once upon a time, an iPhone 3G and an Old radio met in a bar. iPhone kept bragging about it’s specs saying, It can play MP3 music, videos and photos. It also boasted the fact that it has 80 GB of internal storage.
The Radio Said: I play radio… Once I fell off the table and killed a seven year old boy”
so who has the killer specs?
Symbol:
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg
Occurrence: Found in large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions
1. Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
2. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.
Sarcasm is an art. It’s one of those little yet big things in life which can only be expressed beautifully when mastered correctly. Though sarcasm may be funny, it may also hurt many people, so use it wisely.
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren’t we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
6. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. I’ve found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. I like dogs too. Let’s exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.
17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
23. I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
25. Allow me to introduce my selves.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for you.”
28. Better living through denial.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
34. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
35. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Once again our team cracked the top 10 jokes for you. This week we bring you some of the finest jokes as well as some funny pictures to spice up the reading. We are thankful for your continued support and especially thankful to our stumbleupon friends who thumb this up and review it for us. please keep the stumbles coming so we can keep feeding you with some great jokes. Have fun.. happy reading..
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
“Just cut it into 4 pieces…
I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones next to him, and the rescuers are shocked. He says, “You can’t judge me for this. I had to survive.” The leader of the rescue team says, “But Jesus Christ, man… your plane only went down yesterday.”
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her:
“If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,:
“Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”
The woman said:
“That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.”
The frog warned her:
“You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.
The woman replied:
“That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said:
“That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. “
The woman said,
“That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered:
“I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
“Did you get that for your birthday?”
asked Little Johnny.
“Nope.”
replied Jimmy.
“Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”.
Again Jimmy says
“Nope.”
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
asks Little Johnny.
“No,”
said Jimmy.
“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily.
“What do you want now?”
“I wanna watch,”
Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said,
“Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.”
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar…
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender replies
“Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.” The
guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.”
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks,
“Wherez zat teeqeelah?”
He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
“Now”
he says
“Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
It is Friday night and Superman is bored. He decides to fly to his local, but isn’t keen at the prospect of drinking alone, so on the way he calls at Spiderman’s house.
Spiderman answers the door and says,
“I’m sorry, Superman, but I can’t come to the pub tonight. The web mechanism on my wrist is broken. I’m fighting crime tomorrow and I must fix my web mechanism.”
Superman flies away, and en route to the pub, calls the home of Captain America. Captain America answers the door and says,
“I’m sorry, Superman, but I can’t come to the pub tonight. I’m fighting crime tomorrow and I need to pump some iron or else I won’t be fit enough to fight crime.”
Superman understands their need for preparation. Crime fighting is an important job.
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