The next time some well-meaning cyber-buddy of yours sends an e-mail suggesting you’ll get free shares of stock in a company that is just about to go “public” or warning you of a dreaded disease being spread via hat pins left on movie theater seats you may want to reply with a link to this page.
The following story is a montage of several of the urban myths currently floating around cyberspace. This anonymous email is being passed around under the heading, “It Must be True, I Saw it on the Internet.”
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is “MM” in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there’s no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911!” but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled “Join the crew!”
[click to continue…]
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Tagged as:
911,
American Cancer Society,
author,
bill,
Bill Gates,
cancer,
car driving,
chicken,
computer,
computer programmer,
fried,
friends,
gates,
GATES HIMSELF,
internet,
Internet The,
kentucky,
mail,
people,
phone,
send,
true,
U.S. government,
United States,
USD
It is ages Old Question:
Why Did Chicken Cross the Road?
We now have the answer.
The Chicken succeeded in crossing the road because all the dogs were drunk…
Let’s see what others have to say about the incident.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image the chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it
RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV crushed it.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money…money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
[click to continue…]
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Tagged as:
AL GORE,
ALBERT EINSTEIN,
ambassador,
BARBARA WALTERS,
BILL CLINTON,
Bill Gates,
Captain,
chicken,
COLIN POWELL,
Colonel,
cross the road,
crossing-the-road syndrome,
dog,
drunk,
ERNEST HEMINGWAY,
farmer,
funny,
funny questions,
GEORGE W. BUSH,
greater services,
Internet Explorer,
Iraq,
JOHN LENNON,
Jokes,
Karl Marx,
MARTHA STEWART,
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.,
MOHAMMED ALDOURI,
nerve gas,
PAT BUCHANAN,
RALPH NADER,
RONALD REAGAN,
SADDAM HUSSEIN,
SIGMUND FREUD
