Top 10 Jokes of the Week

Each week we will bring you top 10 jokes that you will be able to share with your fellow commuters and coworkers during your commute and in office. your feed back is important. tell us what you think about these jokes and the kind of joke you want to read.

Handicapped Horse

The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout “Up and Over” at each jump. The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions. The horse clumsily tripped ovver the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted “Up and Over” at each jump. So… won the race. The trainer asked him, “What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?” The jockey replied, “No, the horse must be deaf.”

“No way!!!” the trainer insisted. “Blind, yes….but not deaf…”

Bigger

An American rancher is meeting an Australian farmer. The farmer shows off his fields. “I’ve got fields twice this size”, says the American. The Aussie then shows off his herd of cows. “Oh, we have cows twice this size back home”, says the American.
A little while later the American spots two kangaroos hopping across the field. The American asks, “What are those?” Says the Aussie,

“Haven’t you got grasshoppers in America”?

Fast or slow

A man was new to the city and he owned a McLaren F1 GTR. He didn’t know the speed limit. So he was pulled over by the police. He asked the officer, “Was I driving too fast officer?” The officer looked at him thoughtfully and replied,

“No…you were just flying too slow….”

Why did you run away?

A man ran out of the operation room. The nurse caught up with him and asked, “Why did you run away??”

He replied,

“The nurse said - ‘What are you afraid of? It’s only an appendix operation’…”

“Thats ok, but why did you run away??” asked the nurse again.

“She said it to the doctor, not to me…..”       protested the man indignantly…

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

Blind Flowers

A plain full of people is making the final preparations before takeoff.
right before the plain starts its engines, the passengers see two guys with dark sunglasses and uniforms go with guiding dogs to the cockpit.
the plain is starting to run on the course, but instead of going up it just keeps going forward.
the passengers are realizing that the plain is going to crash in pond in front of the course and start screaming, at the last second the plain goes up and manages to avoid the crash.

after five minuets the first pilot says to the second:

“you know, one day they won’t scream and we will all go to hell…”

Not me

A man goes to a chemist and asks for a cure for hiccups.

The chemist makes the man bend over and gives him a hard slap on his back and asks,

“Have they gone?”

The man replied,

“I don’t know, my wife’s in the car but I’ll check…”

Young Boy asks Old Man

Boy:           Grandpa, what are you reading??
Grandpa:    A history book.
Boy:           But that’s a sex book
Grandpa:    I know, that’s history to me….

News Headlines

One day a woman was attacked by a dog. A man rescues her. The reporter interviews him and the headlines next day……

“U.K citizen saves woman from rabid dog”

The man tells the reporter that he was not from U.K. Next day…

“Local Hero saves woman from rabid dog”

The man tells the reporter that he was from Afghanistan and not a Local Hero

Next day….News Headlines….

“Terrorist attacks local dog”

Once a blonde, always a blonde

A ventriloquist(puppeteer) with his dummy was starting his comedy show with his regular routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly a blonde woman interrupted his joke and told him,

“How dare you insult people like me just because of the colour of our hair. It’s people like you who ~Censored~ our growth in the society.”

The ventriloquist is embarassed and begins to apologise when the blonde shouts at him,

“You stay out of this mister!! I’m talking to that little creep on your knee.”

That’s all Folks, See you next week

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