Superman has his way (Very Funny Joke)
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It is Friday night and Superman is bored. He decides to fly to his local, but isn’t keen at the prospect of drinking alone, so on the way he calls at Spiderman’s house.
Spiderman answers the door and says,
“I’m sorry, Superman, but I can’t come to the pub tonight. The web mechanism on my wrist is broken. I’m fighting crime tomorrow and I must fix my web mechanism.”
Superman flies away, and en route to the pub, calls the home of Captain America. Captain America answers the door and says,
“I’m sorry, Superman, but I can’t come to the pub tonight. I’m fighting crime tomorrow and I need to pump some iron or else I won’t be fit enough to fight crime.”
Superman understands their need for preparation. Crime fighting is an important job.
As he flies over Wonder Woman’s house, Superman notices that he can see through her skylight and she is lying naked on her bed. He thinks to himself, I’m faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there in micro-seconds and Wonder Woman will never know I had my wicked way with her!
So down he goes, through Wonder Woman’s skylight. He has his way with her and then zooms off, faster than a speeding bullet.
Wonder Woman sits up and exclaims,
“What the hell was that?”
The Invisible Man stands up, rubbing his bottom and says,
“I don’t know, but it hurt like hell.”
Double That - (Jinnie and Lawyers Joke) Very Funny
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A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure enough, out popped a genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there is a catch.”
“What catch?”
the man asked.
The genie replied,
“Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
Neglected Bills
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Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”
Abe answers, “They’ll find us!”
Headache - (Old Wine & Jokes are always Good)
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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
“The good news is I can cure your headaches… The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Lost Ball
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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this,
said the man.
I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball……..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.
“What did you do?”
asks the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
“Hey, this looks like yours!”
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